The Cafe

Subject: Re: The Cafe Mon Jul 28, 2008 8:55 pm

its cool. I like it so far. ^^

Subject: Re: The Cafe Mon Jul 28, 2008 8:59 pm

really?!I'm so self conscious of my work.I had to see if it was any good.

Subject: Re: The Cafe Mon Jul 28, 2008 9:01 pm

I think yu could use something to put inbetween the last two sentences. Like something to do what happens in battle about the sadness or something like that.

Subject: Re: The Cafe Mon Jul 28, 2008 9:07 pm

I'll consider it and see if I can fit something in there.

Subject: Re: The Cafe Mon Jul 28, 2008 9:09 pm

like how the people miss their loved ones and cry tears or something.

Subject: Re: The Cafe Mon Jul 28, 2008 9:10 pm

how about this

Blood pools where lives were slain

Subject: Re: The Cafe Mon Jul 28, 2008 9:11 pm

that sounds good. ^^

Subject: Re: The Cafe Mon Jul 28, 2008 9:15 pm

So so far I has

What was once bubbly is now dead.
What was once happy is now dread.
The love is gone and peace is dead.

War irrupts in fights in pain.
Blood pools where lives were slain
Acid falls from clouds like rain.

Subject: Re: The Cafe Mon Jul 28, 2008 9:17 pm

sounds great. ^^

Subject: Re: The Cafe Mon Jul 28, 2008 9:21 pm

Now I have to think of a refrain.Something that is repeated more than once that speaks the true message of the song.I'll think of it later.My inspiration light just flicked off.

Subject: Re: The Cafe Mon Jul 28, 2008 9:22 pm

can i help u?

Subject: Re: The Cafe Mon Jul 28, 2008 9:25 pm

If you want and I promise one day when this song becomes famous you will get credit lol My brain is just so fickle.One minute I have shit loads of inspiration and the next it's all gone.It usually takes me a while to get down a whole song and I'm always rewriting it and editing it.

Subject: Re: The Cafe Mon Jul 28, 2008 9:26 pm

that what happens to me when i write poems.

Subject: Re: The Cafe Mon Jul 28, 2008 9:31 pm

lol I hate to have to leave ya but it's my bed time.Night Night sleeping

^_^

Subject: Re: The Cafe Mon Jul 28, 2008 9:36 pm

night.

Subject: Re: The Cafe Tue Jul 29, 2008 8:45 am

I like it lots Rave-chan! You are doing good so far!!

Here!! Lookie, lookie! I've been working on some poem-y stuff, tell me if they're okay!!

Broken Eyes
Too quick to criticize
The sun with broken eyes
No room to let him breathe
It’s left scars on me
When there’s no need to stay
The daydreams wilt away
Demons crawling to get free
Never anyone seeing me for me
Some things aren’t ment to be

I get lost sometimes
Trying to read the signs
No longer welcome times
All the shouts and jeers
Maybe I’m going deaf
Words no longer work
Neither theirs nor mine
Want out of the cell room
Before finding answers in due time

Well I get lost sometimes
Where I go, there are no signs
Need to get away from here
Maybe I’m going blind
I just can’t seem to find
A place to call home
A people to call mine

Nani!? So what'cha think! It's old and I found it on my microsoft looking for something else. The second stanza is weak but oh'weeelll!!!

Yatikami, Mei-chan bye

Subject: Re: The Cafe Tue Jul 29, 2008 9:10 am

I like it. Write another one. ^^

Subject: Re: The Cafe Tue Jul 29, 2008 2:41 pm

I like it too.You must've been pretty depressed when you wrote it though.

Subject: Re: The Cafe Tue Jul 29, 2008 8:09 pm

i wrote a new poem today.

Subject: Re: The Cafe Wed Jul 30, 2008 4:53 pm

well then let's hear it and I finished my other one lat night when I couldn't sleep.

Subject: Re: The Cafe Wed Jul 30, 2008 5:55 pm

i cant figure out the last paragarph for it.

Subject: Re: The Cafe Wed Jul 30, 2008 8:45 pm

well what do you have so far?

Subject: Re: The Cafe Wed Jul 30, 2008 8:56 pm

I figured it out. Its all done. ^^

Subject: Re: The Cafe Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:08 pm

can I see it?

Subject: Re: The Cafe Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:21 pm

» The Cafe